Lesson: I’m really really bad at consistent updates. I just don’t really have that much to say, I guess.
I guess I could start posting music I like. Here’s a band I listen to constantly at work (along with a whole mess of grindcore/powerviolence/really hardcore industrial stuff). I’ve gotten very into minimal synth stuff lately.
It was a conversation! I can’t really draw what they were doing, but they weren’t “saying” crystals, it was more like they were arranging crystals to talk to each other, but somehow the crystals were like a perfect representation of their thoughts as well. And they could move their thoughts.
And then I got up the next morning all like “WELP, TIME TO GO WORK WITH EMERGENCY MESSAGING SYSTEMS AGAIN” until I realized 1) I just spent six hours half out of my mind watching crystalline spider creatures move their thoughts around despite not having ingested anything that would do that and 2) I could barely figure out how to dial numbers on my phone.
My cat is dreaming. I know this because he’s sitting with his eyes closed meowing gibberish at nothing.
Okay so anyway, FUN A DAY #2! I’m thinking of just turning my Fun-a-Day project into a dream log of sorts because my dreams are always insane and lately they’ve been especially insane.
I will try to draw and/or animate the first dream I had last night this weekend. The wait will be worth it.
The other dream I had last night was nowhere near as sedate as the crystalline spider creature dream. It started out with me in some room with a bunch of dead babies (some robotic, some not) and innards and wires and everything was trying to grab me. Creepy. Then I wandered into this giant house which turned out to be Nur’s, and she knew Die Antwoord (which actually wouldn’t really surprise me) and there was this huge incomprehensible party going on.
I took a nap when I got home and I dreamed that I had my childhood dog again. I spilled a trash can, which, for some reason, was full of whiskey, and my leg got all soaked. Immediately my dog rushed over to me and started frantically trying to drink the whiskey out of my pant leg.
There’s this thing you may have heard of, it’s called “Fun A Day”, where you… do something fun every day. It’s kind of a punk tradition in Pittsburgh (and Philadelphia too, or so I hear?).
In terms of accomplishments, last year was awesome. I made more progress career-wise and adult-life-wise than ever before. It was also probably one of the most stressful years of my life, and I think I’ve set a new record for alienating people, even for me.
So, Fun A Day sounds like a good way to transition out of that. Lacking the energy to do anything especially exciting, I think I’m just going to make a commitment to trying to blog something- no matter how mundane or insane (or likely a combination of both) it may be. Some of you lucky people were blessed enough to have to deal with the incoherent dexed-out rantings of my Livejournal (eep! seven or eight years ago!). Unfortunately, you won’t be seeing any of that, but I’ve come to a conclusion over the past couple of years: drugs actually made me pretty fucking normal after a while.
On Sunday I came down with some sort of unspeakable flu / sinus infection thing. I haven’t been sick like that in a long, long time. I still have remnants of it but at least now I don’t feel like I need a space suit to walk to my bathroom or else I’ll freeze to death. I spent Sunday night pretty much completely out of my head. Here’s a drawing I made of the insane fever dream I had FOR SIX HOURS STRAIGHT.
I don’t believe in anything and I don’t want to, either.
Why is it that that makes it so hard for me to get along with people?
Why do people need to believe in things? I’m not talking about just theism, either… people have a lot of different kinds of beliefs. People believe that Food X or Lifestyle Choice A will give you or cure you of cancer, that so-and-so will love them if they do X, Y, and Z, and so forth and so on. None of it’s always true. Some of it might have a high probability of being true, but not always.
Why is this such a difficult concept? If something doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Change it so that it does, or change yourself so it’s not a problem. What’s so hard about this? Yes, the sun has risen in the east for as long as humans have recorded history. What happens if it rises in the west tomorrow? Or the north? Will we all just fall apart as a society because it wasn’t “supposed to happen”?
Why is it so important for people to be “right”? Why do we think things are “supposed to” or “not supposed to” happen? What advantage do we gain from thinking this way?
And why is it I seem to spend so much of my life burning with resentment because someone in a position of power over me is yelling at me essentially because I can accept that nothing is “supposed to” happen, (and, likewise, that there’s also no such thing as things being “not supposed to happen”) and they can’t?